"Got Jealousy?"

So, what do humans and the frilled lizard have in common? Sometimes, when we’re afraid, we both puff out our faces and ears and try to act really, really scary. The fear in jealousy is so strong that it can sometimes make us react to situations like a frilled lizard, just to make sure that our partner gets the point that we don't want them to stray.

And how many times has that ever made your beloved admire you more? Probably not many...

People use the word ‘jealousy’ as a feeling, but Marshall Rosenberg, the creator of Nonviolent Communication (www.cnvc.org) would probably argue that it’s a thought.

For example, ‘abandoned’ is a thought -- it’s your negative evaluation of somebody leaving you. But what if they IRS abandoned you and your audit? Is that necessarily negative? No.... so ‘abandoned’ is an evaluation of, or thought about, somebody leaving you.

In the same way, ‘jealousy’ isn’t really a feeling – it’s a thought. The event may be your beloved paying attention to somebody else in a way that you think means s/he may leave you (or that they love another person more than you). It’s the meaning that we attach to the event that we label ‘jealousy.’

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