"Something More Powerful
Than Forgiveness"

Empathy is the process of creating heart-felt understanding and compassion for another person and their feelings and needs.

Giving somebody empathy is far more powerful than forgiveness. Empathy connects one person’s feelings and needs to the same feelings and needs in the other person, thus creating the magic of a human bond.

Forgiveness, on the other hand, implies that the person was ‘wrong’ and that they ‘owe’ the other an apology for their ‘guilt’ and that the first person might ‘forgive’ their wrong-doing.

People say, ‘If you’re truly sorry for what you’ve done, and the pain you’ve caused me, then perhaps I’ll forgive you.” But, hey! Get out of that world of ‘right’ and ‘wrong’, ‘good’ and ‘evil’, deserving and owing! That is the violent, hurtful world that we all grew up in. We’re older now and we want a peaceful, loving world. We want to create a connection with our loved ones, not build a case against then and push them away.

Remember, that all actions are strategies to get a human need...

Click here to read the rest of this article by Kristin Denton ...

4 Simple Steps to Heart-Opening
Intimacy and Understanding...


Our example begins with an excited husband who came home early on his anniversary to cook a special surprise meal for his wife.

With the food prepared, candles lit, table set, wine poured… he waits and waits and waits. His wife arrives home two hours later than normal.

By this time the food is cold, the candles have burnt out, most of the wine is gone.

The once happy husband is now rather disappointed, hurt and upset .

He meets her arrival like this: “I can't believe you are late on our anniversary! Why didn't you call? All you care about is work. You don't care about our relationship any more…”

Is there a better way?

click to read the rest of the article...

What's Holding you Back?

Have you ever wondered what stopped you from having the job, the money, the relationship and the life of your dreams?

This a relationship blog... so why an article about achieveing goals and getting what you want?

Because our self-esteem effects every part of our lives... and being able to achieve our goals has a major impact on our self esteem!

So when one on my internet mentors wrote this short, powerful and to the point article, I asked him if I could include a copy of PDF here so you can download it, print it out, read it and most importantly... do the exercieses.

They are Simple - Powerful - Effective...

"Discover The Incerdible 5-Step Goal Achievement System That Gives You A Positivley Unfair Advantage In Business... and in Life!" by Jim Edwards

Click here to download the PDF...

"How to Get Even The Most Silent Partner To Communicate Openly and Honestly..."

One of our new subscribers wrote this as his Burning Question in the subscription form to my eZine, The Compassionate Communicator: "Trying to get along with my partner, because we really don't talk to each other. I wish that we can talk more about what’s going on with us."

First off, this is a common issue...And it’s not surprising, considering that our normal Jackal way of communicating is to build a case against somebody, prove them wrong, and then tell them how they ought to be doing things. It’s the first of the 5 most common relationship communication mistakes: Case Building. Then there's Story Telling, Message Assuming, Cup Stuffing, The Fatal Fs.

Every communication is either building a connection with the other person, or building a case against them. Every time you speak to your beloved, think first whether you’re trying to build a connection or a case.

click here to read the rest of the article...

"Got Jealousy?"

So, what do humans and the frilled lizard have in common? Sometimes, when we’re afraid, we both puff out our faces and ears and try to act really, really scary. The fear in jealousy is so strong that it can sometimes make us react to situations like a frilled lizard, just to make sure that our partner gets the point that we don't want them to stray.

And how many times has that ever made your beloved admire you more? Probably not many...

People use the word ‘jealousy’ as a feeling, but Marshall Rosenberg, the creator of Nonviolent Communication (www.cnvc.org) would probably argue that it’s a thought.

For example, ‘abandoned’ is a thought -- it’s your negative evaluation of somebody leaving you. But what if they IRS abandoned you and your audit? Is that necessarily negative? No.... so ‘abandoned’ is an evaluation of, or thought about, somebody leaving you.

In the same way, ‘jealousy’ isn’t really a feeling – it’s a thought. The event may be your beloved paying attention to somebody else in a way that you think means s/he may leave you (or that they love another person more than you). It’s the meaning that we attach to the event that we label ‘jealousy.’

read the rest of the article...

Desperate Housewives... Deperate Communication.

All communication is either an act of love or a cry for help!

Either our needs are being met and we’d like to celebrate that with other people, or our needs are not being met and we would like empathy from others.

This is one of the basic premises of Dr. Marshall Rosenberg’s communication theory, Nonviolent Communication (www.cnvc.org). And the characters in the hit TV series Desperate Housewives soooo beautifully demonstrate this premise.

Take the episode from season 2, “No One is Alone.” In past episodes, Susan has remarried Carl in order to use his health insurance for a surgery she needs.

click here to read the rest of this article by Kristin Denton...

The Natural Outcome Of Most Communication Is Misunderstandings, Upsets and Arguments...

Yes this is most definitely an over statement but watch this short except from a TV interview Kristin and I did and you will get the idea...



56 k modem

112 k or dsl


To learn more about upcoming classes click here www.RelationshipRemodeling.com

The in-laws are coming... the in-laws are coming...

It's Thursday and my in-laws arrive tomorrow afternoon for lunch.

By 8:30 this morning the carpet cleaners were here, so we had to have everything out of the way by then... including some stuff I hadn't seen in years.

While they cleaned the carpet I took two... that's right, two...car loads of junk to the dump.

It's not that we were living in a sty, it was just that there was stuff in storage that really didn't belong there -- carpet remnants, cardboard boxes (yes I collect them - everyone needs a hobby).

On the way back from the dump I stopped by the farmers market to pick up fresh vegetables and steaks to barbeque tomorrow.

When I got home, I weed-whacked the back yard down by the river. Then I weed-whacked up by the highway - I never do up by the highway.

Then I replanted the lawn (it's not going to grow by tomorrow, but it's the thought that counts.)

I stacked a load of firewood, moved a bunch of paint cans under the house, and weeded the rock garden. And al that by 1:45 in the afternoon!

Looking around the place Kristin and I had two questions...

First, how come we can get soooo much done in such a short time when we have a deadline?

Second, why didn't we do this earlier? The place sure looks great!

Okay, what does any of this have to do with relationships, you may ask?

The first is that it's amazing how quickly and effectively issues can be resolved in a relationship once we make set up a time and system to do it...

So create your own deadline for cleaning your emotional closets of old issues you may have been carrying around for years - set it for August 18-19-20 - the dates for our upcoming communication seminar, 'Creating a Conscious, Compassionate Relationship.'

Secondly, once you come and learn the communication tools of the Language of Peace -- feeling the magic and falling in love all over again -- you will be saying, 'Wow, why didn't we do this sooner?' We guarantee it, or it's free.

Yours for Relationship Success,

Paul

P.S. The seminar is only $99 per person for the entire weekend (normally $350 per person).

just go to www.RelationshipRemodeling.com/workshop


Paul Sterling
The Language of Peace
www.RelationshipRemodeling.com
970-586-7734

Relationship Magic is happening at our new web-site

Kristin and I have just created a new site to help people create magic in their relationships... www.relationshipremodeling.com/FreeAccess

com check it out and get a free copy of our free special report: The 5 Most Common Intimacy-Destroying, Relationship-Wrecking Communication Mistakes.

Paul